Thursday, 18 October 2007

Hey, hi...bye!

The above subject refers.

In my not-so-many years of legal practice, and much longer years of letter writing and correspondence exchange, I have never once come across the Perfect Message. The Perfect message is hereby defined as one which has the following qualities: brevity, clarity and style.

I'd have to confess though, that my not coming across the Perfect Message (lets just abbreviate it to PM, shall we?) was not for want of trying. In term papers, examination scripts and theses throughout my secondary and tertiary education I hoped to achieve PM. I would carefully summarise all the answers to exam questions on, say, the Law of Contract as:

"someone has, the other does not.
the one who's doesn’t have
buys from the one who's got".

I didn’t get full marks for that one at school. If I remember correctly, I got the minimum marks available. The reason for this, I guess, was the Lecturer's lack of poetic instinct.

Or take, for instance, my well researched dissertation for an Anthropology course titled "Complex Relationships in Today's Modern World". To aid proper comprehension, my submission was simple and straight to the point:

"She loves me
and I love another
who loves the guy
whose girl loves my brother."

Come to think of it, I didn’t get full marks for that one as well...

Anyway, as you can see, I have searched for PM most of my life.

And then, yesterday, from nowhere, the PM dropped on my laps. More accurately, it appeared as a text on my phone - "Hey, hi...bye!"

The message had everything- salutation, inquiry about my whereabouts and a final greeting. Even the ellipsis conveyed wordless feelings. And it stopped with a conclusive Bye accentuated by as excited exclamation point.

My feelings since then, have been both of elation (finally a genuine PM!) and tragedy (I know what the message said but what did it MEAN?) and I promptly made up my mind to duly insult the sender of the PM. Better still, pay her back in her own coin. Reason being, though a fantastic message, it was way too cruel and cold. So I set out with the task of composing a PM to match hers, expressing my anger and disgust.

I came up with quite a few:

"Very nasty text you sent, why did you even bother?

which I then abbreviated to:

"Very nasty bother."

I took out the spirit behind it and did a final summary in the way of:

"Humph!"

So now I was ready and raring to go. I typed the pregnant word on my phone and pressed the 'send' button. Then lay back and slept off.

I was awoken at night by a blinking light. My phone was blinking. A text message! Aha, my PM was better than hers, and it went straight to her heart. Now she's all repentant, isn't she? I smirked. I already had another response ready to her anticipated reply of contrition. She was going to beg for forgiveness for her thoughtlessness and ask me to take her back into my fold. I was going to reply with a well timed: "Bah!" I was elated. In one night, I had mastered the art of the PM. I could see myself writing a book about PM's in the future, being acclaimed internationally, meeting the Heads of State and the British er, PM, awards, cash, endorsements, cute models...

I picked up my phone. The light still blinked. I was indeed a text message. But not from her. The message went :

Message cannot be delivered. Reason insufficient credit...

For now Globacom has the record for the best PM…

68 comments:

Supergirl said...

If you want to master the Art of PMs properly, subcribe to the perfect PM's mamma, Supergirl Alias AKA moi; i get them plenty.

Nice one sha, thumbs up to Globacom for once

2ndCorin5:17 said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
Whos d girl? heheheheheheh and i wasn't first... AGAIN!!!

bumight said...

aren't dissertations supposed to make u go on endlessly on a subject that could be summarised in 1 at best two lines?

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

lol!!!!! crazy!!!

Freaksho said...

hah,i know how you feel,man!
makes you wonder why my Old Man sends me PM's.
must be trying to tell me something...

Jaybabe said...

Thanx for stopping by my page..will make nuff time to come go thru.

Keep well oo!

The Beads Factor said...

Hello!
I just want to introduce my blog to you.
I do hope you would drop by.
Thanx.

fluffycutething said...

LOL......

2ndCorin5:17 said...

we need 2 talk

Jaycee said...

lollll...

cally-waffybabe said...

LMAO!!! Serves you right!!! Must you have the last word? Like, let it go dude- nah mean? LOL. This was funny though.
Howz da goin? Hope you're good. Just saw your message to me on baroque's. No dude, it ain't just you. If you go back there, you'd see where i briefly explained what happened. Anons drove me away o.

Stay cool dude.

ozaveshe said...

@supergirl: wonder why u're supporting glo

@2nd corin: everyday, in everyway, u're getting closer and closer (to being first)

@bumight: i thought so too. dont mind the nasty professor

@freaksho: at least he speaks to you

@jaybabe: okay (u can see i'm practising my PM's)

@beads: i did drop by. gorgeous designs. might get something for my girl, sorry, sister for christmas

@CWB: thot it was only me. i read ur explanation sha. pity that anon users are stopping me from viewing you(r page)

and yep, i always have to have the last word. i can't just forgerrit like that. i'm a typical black male, remember?

@ all of u who lawled: it honestly wasnt funny when it happened.

Comrade said...

Hey Mr. Ozaveshe. You know who this is . Pls check out www.agbekoya.blogspot.com

badderchic said...

I havent been here in a long while why nah?

anyways pity o! after all the wahala u no com get credit to send text. LMAO e no fear (fair) o! enjoi

Noni Moss said...

Interesting. I would have gone with ?!

But that's me ;-)

fantasy queen said...

so much response for a freaking PM... abeg, the chics correct and intelligent..lol'
haba ozav, i'm sure it wasnt that bad....

fantasy queen said...

? u...

ozaveshe said...

@comrade: welcome once again. nice to have u around

@badderchic: noticed u hadnt been here in a while. a lot of us have missed u. and pls update, we don't want to have to move on to another badder chic

@noni moss: yeah, maybe i ought to have...hmmm

@fantasy queen: it was

@fantasy queen: yes

Atutupoyoyo said...

Brilliant stuff double O. Your posts are getting wackier and more wonderful. You actually started out like a young, sensible sort of chap. But now it is clear that the metamorphosis to crase-man don complete. Welcome to my world.

fantasy queen said...

.!

fantasy queen said...

@Atutupoyoyo...u shouldnt encourage him dawg...

Jaybabe said...

Wow! Made time to read thru this and i must say it was very nice. Funny tho..how you played around with the words. High i.q you got!

Mystic Michelle said...

ha ha ha!!!! how funny!PM master indeed!! Globacom had the final say!!!!
p.s who was she that caused such a reaction???hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

omohemi Benson said...

LOL!

Orientatednaijababe said...

i just hate it wen people send me long text messages with no punctuation marks....it just pisses me off.

Globacom no do you good oh, dey just spoil ur shine like that

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

hmm..slowly becoming invisible and nonexistent?..reason for the bypass?

The Last King Of Scotland said...

interesting words

cally-waffybabe said...

Dude, i guess you're "very happy" now? You know what i mean. *wink*

...toyintomato said...

...laughing too hard..
Globacom comes to the rescue..
great post

Onome said...

roflmao OMG!!! dat was a scream!!!! thanks for stopping by my blog...really glad u like it...and u're welcome anytime...

Is dis a PM?(joking)

Obinwanne said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nyemoni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nyemoni said...

Too funny!LOL..hahaha..Insufficient credit eh? LOL! My brother no vex...I have been too busy to even update my blog...Take care!

fantasy queen said...

i'm sure u're loving the attention ur PM post is giving u....shame on u! and the war really is on? u keep saying that...bring it on man!

ozaveshe said...

@atutu: thanks for the welcome. your world is a totally different place entirely. might take some getting used to

@jaybabe: thats what i kept trying to tell the interviewers at the CIA recruitment- that i have a high IQ! lol. thanks for the compliment. kinda made my week

@michelle: i aint telling...

@omohemi: i guess i'm just beginning to see the funny side of it

@oriented: dont mind long messages. its the unitelligible abbreviations that really piss me off

@experiences: err..is that a PM?

@Last King: thanks

@CWB: you that almost got me sacked! u now want me to be happy! how can?
lol.
actually, i am happy. and u know u're the reason.

toyintomato: dont mind Glo jo

@onome: liked ur blog too. is why i visited again. and again
and again

@obiwanne:how u dey? whassup u didnt update for a while on ur blog

@nyemoni: i've really missed u sha is what i'm trying to say. thanks for stopping by

@fantasygueen: sweetie, why the tin dey pain u like this? if u talk too much i'll just spill the beans

simplynuttie said...

Funny...

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL...Ay, I hate to say it, but that served you right.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

lol! That was a good one.

Carlang said...

Lol.
Funny.
Very fuuny.
I’m tempted , in the spirit of the search, to leave my idea of the perfect message.
But I’d probably fail.
To me the perfect message is not some written phrase.
It’s an act.
A kiss.

A girl kisses you.
Message!
You kiss a girl and she bites your tounge till it’s severed.
Message.
A guy walks up to you and gives you a kiss.
You clench your fist and reply with a message!



p.s: How come it's mostly chicks that stop by your blog?

simplynuttie said...

"Hey, hi...bye!"
Are you from Kogi state? Thanks for the stopping by.

fantasy queen said...

i agree with Carlang how come its only chics stopping here...perv...
and queen of my castle too...it served u right

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Oh my God!!! LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
I was still going to comment on this from your profile:
If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?

daze opponent with a killer clothesline and then to put the fight completely out of him, tweak, with a screwdriver, both his nipples(i'll call it saving the breast for last)

but the post is on another level. na u biko...carry go

Onome said...

update! update!! update!!!(lol)

badderchic said...

Aint non like me baby...aint none!

abegi update jo!

myprivatepart said...

I'm back from outer space!!! How is it hanging?

Onome said...

hey!! where's ya update??

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

oya update now, what kind of iranu is this?

2ndCorin5:17 said...

hissss, ur first time n i'm SERIOUSLY rushing 2 urs 2 c if u have anything... Alas, still no update... hiss

bighead said...

some of the ROFLMAO, LMAO, LOL etc comments on blogger qualify as PM's right?

Jaybabe said...

Will somebody give us an UPDATE or not?

Jaybabe said...

Will somebody give us an UPDATE or not?

Jaybabe said...

Will somebody give us an UPDATE or not?

Afrobabe said...

LMAO.....I see glo had the best msg

Supergirl said...

I swear, if you dont update soon, il delete you permanently from my list without any remorse!!!

fantasy queen said...

I'VE TAGGED YOU!!!!

update update update update update UUUUUPPPPDDDDAAAATTTEEEEE!!! or else i wouldnt play with u anymore.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

fantasy queen won't play with u..
me, i will decousin u!

UPDATE jor

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Um, update, please?

kokolette said...

lol...you have to keep working at these things...
well written!

fluffycutething said...

Guy,

Hope nothing? Update now!!!!!!!!!!

2ndCorin5:17 said...

u dis fake guy... when r u goin 2 update?

cally-waffybabe said...

Just to wish you a lovely xmas and new year in advance dude. I hope you have a swell time and may all your dreams be fulfilled.

Hugs
xxx

Jaybabe said...

Are you gonna update, or shud i go for xmas?

Jaybabe said...

Are you gonna update, or shud i go for xmas?

Onome said...

from october to december.....this is frightening....am going to start my special prayers.......

Onome said...

Merry Christmas...and a blessed new year...really hope u're ok

├Čnk said...

this is niiice. very good use of words!

Anonymous said...

i am like sooo late to post a comment.
love the end.
gosh, you flow guy.

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